


The Secret I Live With

by Mormortrash



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Abusive boyfriend, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Half-Siblings, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Elijah is a good brother, Gavin Reed Backstory, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed has an abusive boyfriend, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't regret it, M/M, Protective Hank Anderson, did i mention abuse?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-07-31 02:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20107876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mormortrash/pseuds/Mormortrash
Summary: Gavin Reed lives with his boyfriend, Alex, and from the outside they seem happy. The lady in the downstairs apartment seems to think so. But their relationship has a dark secret that Gavin isn't sure he can live with for much longer.Lying only causes trouble for this detective.[WARNING: This entire story focuses very strongly on abuse/domestic abuse. Please head the warnings. And please let me know what you think by leaving a comment in the description!]





	1. A Dull Ache.

Wednesday 5th of December, 2018

Detroit, Michigan, USA

7:13 am

Gavin regretted opening his eyes immediately. 

His head pounded as he glanced over to his right, seeing Alex, his boyfriend, sound asleep with his head buried into the pillow, his hands gripping the pillow. Gavin’s eyes were drawn to the redness of his knuckles, breath shaking at the memory of last night. He turned his head away again to stare up at the ceiling, briefly closing his eyes before deciding that he was going to go in, despite it being his day off. 

The shower was a relief. Hot water washing over his bruised skin, washing away the ache that had settled into his bones, quieting the thumping in his head. But he didn’t allow himself the luxury of shitty water pressure for too long, afraid if he stayed in any longer, he would never get out. 

A shitty white towel around his waist and he was golden, heading into the bedroom to pick a pair of jeans up off the floor along with a blue v-neck shirt, heading into the sitting room, throwing the clothes onto the arm of the couch. The washing basket was on the table, filled with Gavin’s previous load of washing he had been instructed to do last night at 1:00 am in the fucking morning. He reached in, finding a pair of boxers and pulling them on, using the towel to dry himself off until he was no longer dripping wet. 

Getting dressed hurt. Every movement hurts, pulling on his jeans hurt, buttoning them hurt, sliding his belt on fucking hurt as did doing it up. The ride to work was hell, lacking a cup of coffee since he’d just wanted to get the fuck out of the house before Alex woke. He’d left a note, saying that Fowler had called him in. Which was bullshit. A fucking lie so he didn’t have to spend the day with Alex, watching football and walking on eggshells. 

His first cigarette of the morning was smoked on the way there, the window down and radio on, playing some gentle rock music from when he was a teenager. 

He didn’t even go to his desk, instead making a beeline for the coffee machine in the break room, immediately making a mug of coffee, black, not having the effort to get the creamer or the sugar, instead just taking the mug to his desk. 

Buzz. Buzz. 

Gavin grunted as he slid his phone out of his pocket, seeing that he had two texts from Alex. Like always, he sounded pissed. 

[TXT received from Alex: where are u?] 

[TXT received from Alex: its ur day off.] 

He winced at the words, knowing his boyfriend hadn’t gotten out of bed yet, and probably wouldn’t until 2 pm. He decided to send a quick text to get him off his back. 

[TXT to Alex: srry babe, Fowler txted this morning, a load of paperwork piling up on my desk, asked me to come in. left a note on the fridge] 

After not getting a text for a whole minute, Gavin assumed that Alex had just fallen back asleep and put his phone on the desk, beginning to work on some of the paperwork from the cases he’d solved. He worked through until lunch without realising. It was when the office suddenly emptied that he looked up, seeing people walk out. Lunch. 

Of course, lunch. 

Deciding to take a smoke break, he picked up his cigarettes and headed downstairs, into the street where he leaned against the wall, slipping one out and then lighting it up, taking a long-needed drag. 

“Slacking as always, I see.”

Fuck. 

The detective tensed at the voice, recognising it immediately, his whole body giving a warning thud of pain to remind him to watch his mouth. Turning around, he saw Alex standing there with a clear plastic lunchbox, forcing a smile.

“Alex. What are you doing here?” 

“I’m not allowed to bring my boyfriend lunch?” 

Of course, Gavin had been pushed to take him up to see his desk, muttering to the security that it was fine for him to come through, Alex coming into the bullpen and looking around before seeing the desk covered in case files and a nameplate on the edge. ‘Det. Reed’ engraved into the metal. 

“Is that your desk?” He asked and for a second Gavin wondered if he was being thick on purpose. He refused to snap, refusing to give him the satisfaction of having a valid reason to be pissed at him. Instead, he forced a smile, nodding and shuffling some folders around to make room for the lunchbox. 

They’d gotten to the break room before they were stopped, by Fowler of all fucking people and Gavin knew where this was going before his boss had even opened his fucking mouth. Pleasantries were exchanged, introductions made before Gavin’s world came tumbling down. 

“It was nice of Detective Reed to come in on his day off, good to see him taking some initiative, right, Alex?” Fowler joked, looking at Gavin’s boyfriend, who smiled politely and snaked an arm around Gavin’s waist, grip just a little too hard on his hip, fingertips pressing into the bruises that were there from last night, and the weekend before that and many previous times before that. 

“He can be smart when he wants to be,” Alex said, almost sounding sincere. 

Almost. 

It was a long half an hour of Alex and Tina chatting away while Gavin stared mindlessly into his black coffee. Finally, Alex checked the time and smiled widely. 

“Well, I should get going and let my little detective get on with his work.” Gavin looked up, giving a hum at the sentence, standing up straight, ignoring the way his body protested the movement. Alex leaned over, pressing a kiss to Gavin’s cheek and sliding his arms around his waist, now directing their lips together. Since they were in public and how the hell could he refuse? 

When he got back to his desk, he went to take his phone out of his pocket before he sat down before realising that his phone was gone. 

Gone. Alex. 

His heart thumped in his chest and he slumped back into his chair, staring at the black computer screen that was in front of him. 

The rest of the day went by way too fast in his liking, not being very productive, so he gathered up a couple of files when 5:30 pm rolled around so he could take them home with him, giving him something to do while Alex was watching the game. That was Gavin’s plan. His plan that he knew wasn’t going to happen. 

He took the long way home, arriving back at 6:15 pm, getting out and taking the files from the back seat. Heading towards the apartment complex, he punched the code in as well as he could while still holding the box of files, which was also pressing painfully against his ribs. He took the stairs instead of the lift, not entirely eager to get into the apartment. 

The walk wasn’t long enough. Soon enough, he was outside the apartment, using his knee to balance the box on so he could push down the handle, nudging the door with his foot, letting himself in and then closing the door behind him with his foot, going into the kitchen, putting the box on the table and glancing into the sitting room to see Alex sitting on the couch with a beer. 

Thump. 

Gavin’s heart was thumping in his ears, loud as hell. Clearing his throat, he noticed Alex hadn’t even looked around. 

He swallowed. 

“Hey, babe. How’s your day been?” 

Silence. 

“… So what did you want for dinner? I was thinking we could order in, maybe get Chinese food from that place you like downtown or the pizza place? Or I could run out and get some food for us if you wanted, maybe we could even go out, it’s been a while since we went on a date, maybe-“ 

“Gavin,” Alex says sharply, Gavin falling immediately into silence with another swallow, trying to get rid of the lump that had appeared in his throat. He heard shifting and then he saw Alex approaching him, beer bottle hanging from one hand. His chest was tight, backing away a little until his lower back hit the counter, hands resting on the edge as Alex moved towards him, only stopping when he was close enough for Gavin to smell his breath. His stomach turned at the smell of cigarette smoke and the cheap beer Alex consumed. 

“Listen, about what happened-,” he started. 

Slap. 

Gavin’s head turned to the side with the force of the face, gasping as he pushed his tongue into his cheek, trying to relieve the sting as he turned his head back so he was facing Alex, looking him in the eye. That flicker of defiance in him that refused to let him look down. He inhaled, opening his mouth to talk again, only to feel the same bloom of pain across the same cheek. 

“You gonna fucking lie to me now?” 

“I didn’t lie abo-“

Slap. 

He hissed through his teeth this time, hand reaching up to gently press at the stinging skin, letting out a shaky breath. Gavin clenched his jaw, licking his lower lip only to taste blood, looking back at Alex as he brought his hand up to swipe at the split, feeling it throb, the pad of his thumb coming away bloody. Alex’s hand moved to his pocket and Gavin barely suppressed the flinch that rocked his body, clearing his throat when he saw his phone in that fucking worn down Metallica case, mentally cursing himself for giving Alex his password two weeks ago. Not that he had much of a choice. 

The brightness hurt his eyes as he was shown the screen, his texts with Fowler on display, nothing about asking Gavin to come in. Gavin’s gaze finally went to the floor, not even bothering to attempt to explain himself. He had no excuses, he’d fucking lied. 

The night was the worst in a while, even the cat deciding he doesn’t want to stick around, taking his leave through the open window and on to the fire escape. It was a show he’d seen plenty of times before. By 8 pm, Gavin was on the floor, his back against the wall as his ribs were kicked viciously. Alex had been going for over an hour now, taking small breaks in between to pace and drink a little more. Which allowed Gavin a little time to recover but not enough, panting as he attempted to shift into a comfier position, trying to control his ragged breathing. 10 minutes of Alex wondering around, drinking and muttering under his breath about how much of a brat Gavin was, how he was going to teach his fucking brat a lesson, hand resting dangerously on his belt as he paced around but when he attempted to take it off, the buckle got stuck. The inconvenience frustrated him a little more, earning Gavin a couple more minutes of pain before Alex grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the apartment, making sure to slam the door behind him. 

Gavin was tense for a while, listening to the sound of Alex’s feet jogging down the stairs until he couldn’t hear them anymore. 

The apartment was silent apart from his own heavy breathing. 

30 minutes he lay on the fucking floor, staring at the nicotine-stained ceiling, trembling breaths causing him pain all over.

He grunted loudly as he forced himself to shift slightly, reaching out for the phone that had been dropped near the couch, picking it up and hitting the first number on speed dial, which was his emergency contact, the only family he had. 

Mr-fucking-Elijah Kamski.


	2. Fractured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The taste of copper in his mouth and the steady obnoxious beeping that filled the room were the first things he noticed when he woke up.  
The second thing he noticed, however, was the presence of another person in the room.  
Well, actually, the presence of multiple people in the room.  
Most likely more people than what was allowed in a hospital room at once.

The billionaire let a sigh pass through his lips; overlooking the scenery of the Detroit River may have seemed like a mundane event but doing it while soaking in a five-jet bathtub was one of his favourite tasks. If it had been any other day, Elijah would have had a glass of whiskey dangling from one hand, but he had a business video call scheduled for later that evening and he would like to appear sober, at the very least. 

“Chloe,” the man started, tilting his head back to look towards the door, resting on the edge of the bath. His voice was casual like he was calling a partner or a friend. Not many people spoke to androids in the same way Elijah Kamski did. The blonde android in the blue dress stepped over, holding the black bathrobe open for him. Fluidly, he stood and stepped out, moving over to meeting the android, allowing himself to be robed by gentle, artificial hands. 

“A phone call for you, Elijah,” a voice identical to the android who had just dressed him announced, entering the bathroom with her hand outstretched, presenting him with his cell. He turned, seeing another RT600 model, smiling as he took the phone. 

“Thank you, Chloe,” he said, waving his hand gently, gesturing them both out of the bathroom. Once they were gone, he was alone. He turned his attention back to the beautiful view of the Detroit River, the snow falling heavy now, falling down and down and down before melting into the water. It wasn’t quite cold enough for the river to start to freeze but there was no doubt it would be happening quite soon as the temperature consistently dropped. Finally, he was snapped out of his thoughts by the phone ringing once again. Swiping his thumb across the screen, he brought the mobile to his ear, walking towards the window. “Elijah Kamski, how may I be of service?” 

A pained wheeze caught his attention from the other end of the line, making his face twitch into a frown. 

“Hello?” The man asked only to be met with another sound, this time a harsh, wet cough. One that Elijah would recognise anywhere. “Gavin,” he said, clearing his throat. His brother- well, half-brother, technically, who he hadn’t heard from since Christmas. Almost a year ago, now. That was the only time they talked, to say Merry Christmas. The sounds on the other end of the line made Elijah’s heart stop for a second as fear spiked through his body like a shot of heat. “I’ll be there right away,” the billionaire stated before hanging up and instructing Chloe to call an ambulance as he exited the large bathroom. 

It didn’t take long for the ambulance to get there, it must have been a quiet night because the large vehicle pulled up outside Gavin’s apartment on Winder Street around eight hours after Chloe had made the call. Elijah arrived roughly the same time, pulling up in the car, not even bothering to park properly. He hadn’t bothered getting properly dressed, instead scrambled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, his hair still up in his bun from his earlier bath. Now wasn’t a time to worry about presentation, what with the way that Gavin had been wheezing on the other end of the phone. 

Gavin hadn’t moved. 

The room was spinning and every time he moved, he was hit with a tidal wave of nausea, making him want to throw up. Unsurprisingly, his head was also pounding like a heavy bass song causing a nasty headache. After his first attempt at sitting up, he stopped trying as his sides throbbed in agony and his stomach turned at the pain coursing through him. He wasn’t completely unaware that this was just the beginning and he imagined it was going to be a while before he would start feeling better. It would get worse before it got better. 

The EMTs beat Elijah up the stairs and started working before the man came into the room. Two MP600 models knelt by Gavin’s side and one human as Elijah managed to get a look at his brother’s face; pale skin adorned by streaks of red blood across his face, smeared across his lips, his eyes still closed, his body tense and clearly in pain. His body was trembling as they began to roll him on to the stretcher that one of him had retrieved from the stocked ambulance, moving him from his side where he was curled up in pain and fear onto his back, his legs stretched out. The detective didn’t hear any of the things anyone was saying to him; his ears were ringing too loudly, and he couldn’t stop noticing that his face was hot, his cheeks burning. Well, that comes with being slapped repeatedly probably. As he was being carried out of the house, down the stairs of his shitty apartment block, Gavin could only stare at the ceiling, trying to control his wheezing breaths. 

The taste of copper in his mouth and the steady obnoxious beeping that filled the room were the first things he noticed when he woke up. The second thing he noticed, however, was the presence of another person in the room. Well, actually, the presence of multiple people in the room. Most likely more people than what was allowed in a hospital room at once. His eyes followed around the faces in the room. He saw Elijah first, sitting in the chair next to his bed, staring aimlessly at the white wall. Hank was next, leaning against the wall behind his brother, arms crossed over his chest, obviously having come from work, wearing one of those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts that he seemed to like. Gavin found it ironic that Hank wore these brightly coloured, happy t-shirts when that was usually the exact opposite of how he felt. Tina was next, staring at him with bloodshot eyes, a small smile on her face when she saw that her eyes were open. Finally, he saw the androids, RK900 and Connor standing across the room, watching Gavin as he took in the sight of them all. It was likely that both of them knew he was waking up before he did but it was very clear they didn’t say anything as Tina moved forward quickly and sat on the bed next to him, careful to avoid his wires. Elijah sat up, Hank turning to face him as a warm hand cupped his sore cheek gently, causing Gavin to open his mouth to talk only to find that he couldn’t. His throat hurt, it felt dry and sore, his throat felt tight and rough. 

“Shh, the doctor said you shouldn’t try and talk,” she said, shaking her head and smiling at him, tears rushing down her face. He could only imagine what she was seeing, what he looked like right now. But the rest of them didn’t have to imagine. They could see Gavin lying in the bed, wires taped to his chest and coming off him every which way. They could see the clear nasal canula that dipped under his nose and then wrapped over his ears, leading to a large tank of oxygen that was attached to the side of the bed. They could see the bruises, the bruises that had formed around his eyes, on his cheeks. After the words, Gavin didn’t try and talk again, he was quite happy to just let his head rest back and close his eyes. He was probably awake for a minute and a half before he fell back asleep, head-turning to the side a little as Tina moved up, bringing Gavin’s head to rest on her hip, stroking her hand through his damp hair, not caring that it was damp from sweat. She cradled him like a small child, brushing her fingers through his hair, pushing the short strands back out of his face while the others in the room looked on, all sharing the same feeling of relief, all allowing their shoulders to melt a little. None of them left, not even Hank or the androids. Fowler stopped by on his way home with some Chinese food and a multipack of soda, telling them to eat something, drink something and telling all his employees in the room to take a few days off, stay with Gavin and to keep him updated. 

Gavin Reed slept through the night for the first time in a long time, no nightmares, no waking up in a scared sweat, no waking up at the sounds of movement. He slept straight through, despite the bustle and ruckus of the hospital and the group of people who had decided to nap in his room, Tina curled up around his waist on the edge of the bed, but not touching him to avoid agitating his wounds, and Hank and Elijah having found some spare chairs in the hallway. This time, when he woke up, his first thought was how dry his throat was. He must have made a noise because Hank stirred and woke up in the chair beside his bed, rubbing his face. Seeing Gavin looking at him, he sat up and reached for the bottle of water the doctor had left on the bedside table, bringing it to his lips and allowing him to take a few sips, muttering what Gavin could only assume were reassuring words but it wasn’t like he could focus when there was the steady beeping of a machine in the room making his head pound. The lieutenant sat back down, pulling the chair closer to the bed and leaning back. 

“Doctor said you could try and speak if you felt like it. He left you something called acetaminophen,” Anderson told him, picking up the small white paper cup that the doctor had left for him. “It’s paracetamol,” he explained, moving over to tip the pills into Gavin’s mouth, allowing him to take another sip of water. “It should start working in about 45 minutes, you should feel a lot better. Unfortunately, you won’t look any better,” the older man joked, causing Gavin to huff out a painful breath, closing his eyes and settling back. “You look like shit,” Hank clarified although he didn’t have to. Reed’s fairly sure he can’t look any worse than he felt. The police officers sat in silence for a long while, allowing Tina and Elijah to sleep for a little longer, the androids having taken seats outside despite everyone trying to convince them to stay in the room. The bruised detective let his head turn the other way, taking in the sight of Tina, asleep, curled up around his hip, looking exhausted. He wiggled his fingers a little closer to her, despite the stiffness in his limbs and the pain that moving caused, and brushed his knuckle over her hair, smoothing it back out of her face, opening his mouth to speak. 

“Hu’ts,” he slurred, voice croaky and gruff. It was all he said, he didn’t try and talk again, he just settled back and closed his eyes. Hank lent forward, taking in the sight of his asshole colleague, lying in a bed looking like death. 

“I know, kid,” he murmured in response, despite that he’s 99.9% sure Reed had already fallen back asleep, breathing slow and steady. 

_ When he’d first met Alex, he was 18 years old, fresh out of high school and working two jobs, one in a gas station overnight and the other in a clothing store, to make rent on a shitty, unfurnished apartment in Central Detroit, on the other side of the river from his childhood home. The man Gavin had fallen for was four years older than him and he’d been romantic. At first. _

_It started with gifts, flowers, hand holding, affectionate kisses on the cheek. They were happy, really happy. They’d only been together a month before they moved in together. That probably should have been the first red flag, moving in together so soon. But he’d ignored it. Just as he ignored the other red flags that should have sent him running in the other direction. _

_Comments about his friends, his co-workers, about his social life. Alex didn’t like them, Gavin felt guilty and he’d stopped hanging out with them, isolating himself. No family, no friends, just Alex, the only one who loved him. After that, he started controlling Gavin’s spending, telling him he had to ask for permission if he wanted to buy something, telling him he’s wasting money by buying things he wanted, like video games. Gavin had listened, despite it being his money. He started checking up on Gavin’s internet history. _

_‘I just wanted to make sure you were okay; you’ve been acting strange recently. You’re making me worry about you, baby.’ _

_From then on, it just got worse. Alex became two different people. The Alex he remembered; the one who would wrap an arm around him or hold his hand when they were in public, the one who would buy him food that he liked in restaurants and bars, the one who he became in front of any of their friends. And then there was the Alex who scared him. The one who had violent outbursts and then would softly apologise for it while rubbing soothing cream on the cheek he’d just backhanded, whispering ‘I didn’t mean to, baby, you just- you make me so angry. If you had just been quiet, this wouldn’t have happened.’ _

_By the time Gavin knew what he’d gotten himself into, he had disabled his own support system. He’d cut himself off from everyone he knew, he was alone. _

_Trapped. He couldn’t leave. ___


End file.
